How are you all doing? It's weird barely talking to you anymore, so I thought I would send a little missive from my cocoon.
Things are weird here in CrumpetLand. More than anything else I am exhausted. Numbingly exhausted. Not in a depression way though, which is interesting, more in a ugh ... do I HAVE to? kind of way.
I miss the nail world. I miss painting my nails (only done them once in the last fortnight). I miss nail ART. And I miss you all, and talking to you, RAMBLING to you, and feeling that back and forth which is so special in the nail community.
At work, during the day, and at sleepytime, my thoughts drift, as they always have, to nails. Patterns and colours still go through my head, and I still think "oooh, that would make a great mani" when I see someone wearing a pretty blouse.
At lunchtime, I check Facebook, and usually at this point, I think, ooooh I think I'll actually paint my nails tonight, or, "do you know what, I could do a small blog post, just a paragraph and a few photos, I can fit that in, 10 minute job" .... and then I get home.
And I get home and suddenly I'm .... it's like the weight of the day suddenly descends on me, crashes into me, crushes me, and the only way to survive it is ... I'm not sure, but there are definitely feelings of hibernation in there. I can't be bothered to cook, so dinner is getting quicker and less nutritious. I can't be bothered to read all my Newsfeed anymore, or reply to all my messages and emails ... and I even think ... maybe I should do some washing, or tidy the lounge up. (Lol, anyone who knows me will know how drastically wrong me having those thoughts is!)
Not once, once I'm home, can I be arsed to paint my nails, or edit some photos. I almost painted them the other night, but couldn't bear the thought of thinking of a stamping pattern to do over them. How ridiculous is that?
So what now? Pfffff, buggered if I know, but it's really annoying me and saddening me. I wanted to take a break, and I am THRILLED I read the Divergent trilogy in a week, but now I feel I am drifting further to sea than finding my way back to shore.
I don't want to quit blogging. I love it, I genuinely do - the thrill of the polish, the art, the talent - but am I ... gulp ... burnt out? Did I go at an insane pace for so long, that only 2 years rest can reset my switch?
And why do I feel less joy? I suddenly feel quite pedestrian, surrounded by a million bloggers insanely more talented, frantically trying to hold up a blog where the Guest posts get more views than my own lol. Have I peaked? Worse, did I miss it?
So I sit here, in a funk. It's not depression, but there are definitely some synapses not connecting. How much sleep is reasonable? Yes my flu was evil, long-lasting and has all but slain me, but should I be needing as much sleep as I do, or is it an excuse to retreat?
This weekend is a 3 day weekend in the UK. Usually that would mean a LOT of time in the nail room - maybe 20 manis, or 10 posts written, or some average of the 2. What will happen this weekend? I don't know, but I am really worried that it's not my nails calling to me ... and if they did, could I even hear them anymore?